From Chapter 6, part one of “Mother’s Journals: parts 1, 2 and 3”

            Her mother’s troubled childhood was pushed out of her mind for the moment. With dinner over, she and John had the dishes cleaned up and moved to the living room where John picked up the evening paper, and Mary once again picked up her mother’s diary. Picking up where she had left off, she read on about happy times spent in school and how a trip to the beach had been a great delight for her mother. It had been her twelfth birthday present, and she had reveled in the immensity of the ocean. Mary smiled with the thought that her mother had been having such joy. She even got to fly a kite on the beach, and was thrilled.

            Shortly, though, Mary’s smile became a frown as she read on:

“But then, the incident with my older brother happened, and it really surprised me.

As I remember, it was Christmas night, and the house was sound asleep when my brother Earl crawled quietly into my bed, waking me gently. He whispered that he had heard me crying and wanted to comfort me. Even today I don’t remember having had a bad dream or anything, but I was only twelve, and Earl was five years older after all, and knew all kinds of things that I didn’t, so I believed him. He put one arm around me, and with the other hand he pulled my hand down to his crotch.

……............

 under threat of him telling Mom and Dad that I had been skipping school with a play mate, I continued as he instructed.

….............

With that, Earl jumped up out of my bed, said “goodnight” and went back to his own room. Not knowing just what had happened, I knew I shouldn’t tell anyone about this, but I did need to go wash my hand. I went to the bathroom, and washed my hands. I was confused and filled with disgust, but had no idea what I should do about it. My parents would surely believe Earl, if I told them, and he denied it. And Earl would make sure I got into trouble for spending the day playing with my friend when I should have been in school. So I said nothing about it to anyone.

Earl never came to my room again, which was lucky for me. It would have been very difficult to avoid him. Things between Earl and I were very tense after that, and I was quite confused on how I should act or feel. Each night I went to bed with a sense of dread, thinking he might come into my room at any time. But this did not last long, because Earl was soon to enlist in the army, at my parent’s suggestion. I think today that Mom and Dad had a hunch that something was going on, and convinced Earl to enlist before he could get into too much trouble. I was relieved at his leaving, and could rest better at night with him out of the house.”

Mary felt the moisture rising in her eyes at the thought of her gentle mother, as a sweet innocent child, being subjected to so much at such tender ages and having so much confusion. But her mother’s experiences explained why she had been so protective of Mary while she was growing up. Mary had been kept very busy with school, chores and whatever activities her mother could provide. She wasn’t even allowed to date until her senior year in High School. She was beginning to understand her mother better with each evenings reading.

From Chapter 7, part one of “Mother’s Journals: parts 1, 2 and 3”

            It seemed that George and Margery had married quite young, and he had not been mature enough to handle the responsibility. Neither of them finished high school, and jobs were scarce. He barely made enough money at his job with the lumber mill to keep the family clothed and fed. Margery took in laundry and did alterations for the rich folks who lived in town, and after George disappeared, that would become the family’s only income.

            Mary remembered quite a bit about her father, and it was not all bad. There had been picnics, family outings, and games in the front yard. Her father had never raised a hand to her, but his anger toward her mother had frightened her, and she remembered quite well the last time she saw her father. She had been fourteen and Stu had been only twelve. David was twenty-one, but had not come home from work yet. Her father, George, had come home drunk and in a darker mood than usual.  It was a Friday night after work, and his coming home drunk and angry was not a new event. It seemed to be the favored male pastime in town. But this Friday was a little different. It was quite late when George got home, and

the two young children were in bed already. For the first time, Margery was prepared to stand up to her husband. George went in and tenderly kissed his children good night, and then returned to the kitchen, where he started in on his wife.

            “If you hadn’t trapped me into marrying you by getting pregnant, we could both be happy with our lives. This miserable existence we’re living is entirely your fault! There’s never enough of anything to go around, and the house is always a mess.”

            Margery countered: “If you hadn’t forced your pecker on me, I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant in the first place. I’m sick and tired of you blaming me for this mess! I cook, clean and tend the children, and I try to bring a few extra dollars into this house with extra outside work. But with you drinking a good portion of your pay up all the time, there isn’t much left to go around.”

            “You bitch!” her father had spat at her mother, “It’s just like you to lay all the blame on me!”

            That is when Mary heard the slap. It was a sharp percussion, followed by the sound of a blow with his fist and the gasp her mother made when she hit the floor. “How dare you criticize me! You’re no good in bed, always too tired to please me, and you can’t even cook a decent meal anymore. What good are you?”

            With that, Mary heard her mother say angrily, “I’ll show you what I’m good for!” and the sound of breaking dishware followed.  “I have taken about all of your shit that I am going to take. No more, do you hear me?!” Her mother was screaming now, her voice dripping with rage.

             “Is that so?” her father asked mildly, “How about this?” Mary heard her mother gasp as his fist struck her again, this time in the face.

     From chapter 2, part 2 of “Mother’s Journals: parts 1, 2 and 3”

         “Yes,” Ellen agreed, “people tend to be friendlier while eating together.” This she knew not only from prior experience, but also from this evening with her boss. She was no longer feeling completely professional toward him. This was a new feeling for her to have with a coworker, and she had not felt so comfortable alone with a man in a very long time. Not since Allen.

             “Do you suppose that since we have shared several meals and you are now in my home, that we could drop the Mr. and Sir? Would you please just call me Robert or Bob?” Robert asked her.

            “In this setting, it does seem a little pretentious, doesn’t it? I guess I can call you Robert if you like, and you may call me Ellen,” she invited.

            “Then it’s agreed, Ellen. Now we can be friends; outside of the office anyway,” he added. He had remembered her stance on respect in the office, and would honor her earlier request of formality, if she wished.

            They worked out a tentative menu, and found themselves laughing together quite often at some of the more absurd ideas they came up with. The idea of meatballs in gravy as an appetizer had Ellen in stitches while she laughed at the image of little meatballs rolling across his polished hardwood floors, with people slipping in the slime trail and falling into piles on top of each other.

            “Well, we seem to have this all under control, Robert, and it’s getting late, so I should be heading for home. There are lots of things I need to attend to at work early tomorrow. I’ll get a more formal outline to you, in a day or two, and we should be able to put this together in two weeks, if that is adequate notice for your out of town guests,” she suggested.

            “That would be great, Ellen. I’ll make the necessary calls tomorrow, and I’m sure it will be enough time. We’ll set the date at two weeks from this coming Friday then, and I will see you at work tomorrow.”

            With that, Robert retrieved her light wrap, and gave her a quick hug after he walked her to her car. She almost stiffened, but it was so quick and unexpected, that she did not have time to protest. It was just a quick hug that she took to mean “thank you”, and she let the incident pass without comment. She was just grateful he did not try to prolong the hug or kiss her, as she was beginning to think of him as more than just her “boss” and wasn’t sure how she felt about that.

            When Ellen arrived home, she went straight to her room, undressed and went to bed. The combination of the wine and the evening’s excitement had become a pleasant glow, and she was ready for sleep. That night, though, she would sleep fitfully; dreaming of what could have happened with a prolonged hug and a deep kiss.

From chapter 8, part 3, of “Mother’s Journals: parts 1, 2 and 3”

            It was a joyful reunion, and there were hugs and kisses flowing like a flood stage river. Ellen called Robert at work to let him know their company had arrived, but was told by his secretary that he was elsewhere at a business meeting, but that she would give him the message when he returned. This had become a common occurrence when she called for Robert, and Ellen thought no more about it.

            They had eaten dinner when Robert finally called Ellen back. “Where are you?” she asked worriedly, hearing music in the background.

            “I am entertaining a big shot, and I don’t know how late I will be, but it will be quite late, I’m sure. Since everyone is already there, I think I’ll get a room at the hotel for the night so as not to disturb anyone. I’ll be home after work tomorrow night,” he said. Ellen got a queasy feeling, but said nothing. She suspected that he would come home angry if she insisted.

            Ellen was dismayed. In the last few months Robert had taken to coming home later and later with the excuse that he was entertaining clients. Ellen knew that it was necessary for Robert to woo conventioneers and others who would bring a lot of business in, since there was a lot of competition in the hotel industry down here. But this was becoming a regular habit, it seemed.

She was not pleased, but tried not to show her displeasure to her company.  It seemed that Robert was drawing away from her. He was spending more and more time away and their sex life was suffering, as he was quite often “too tired” to make love to her or it was too late when he finally stumbled in.

            His passion had waned and it was decreasing in frequency all the time, and his anger often flared. Robert usually came home smelling of liquor, too, which Ellen found rather disturbing, as he had never seemed to be much of a drinker.  Occasionally her nose would even detect a hint of perfume on his clothing.  Ellen tried to assure herself that it had to do with the extra hours and pressures of his job. But there was a nagging voice in the back of her brain that kept warning her to be wary.

            Ellen returned to visiting, trying to act as if this was normal, but Gracie knew right away that Ellen was disturbed. She also knew their habits, and was aware of the cooling off that had been going on, and the late hours at which Robert would arrive home. She knew that he often came in drunk, fumbling and stumbling his way to his room. She had even heard Robert raising his voice and what sounded suspiciously like a hard slap on occasion. Even though Ellen never had visible bruises, Gracie was certain that Robert had hit her. But Ellen was evidently too embarrassed to take her into her confidence.

            When the evening wound down, everyone went to bed, but Ellen had a very restless night with very little sleep. She wasn’t sure what she should do about the situation, and it seemed to be drawing to a head. She would have to confront Robert soon, she knew, and was not relishing it. She could only hope that the “head” would not burst until their company left for their own homes.

            She hated ugly scenes, and did not want to have it happen in front of family or any of their friends.